Jo Robertson, a therapist from Auckland, has shared her insights on the power of effective listening. She explained that listening is about understanding the other person’s viewpoint, rather than imposing your own. This requires patience, and not being defensive even when the conversation is difficult.
She further noted that in many relationships, there is often one person who seeks out conflict and another who avoids it. The key to resolving this, she suggests, is for the conflict-seeker to give the other person space, while the conflict-avoider should commit to discussing the issue at a later time.
Robertson also emphasized the importance of non-verbal communication, such as maintaining eye contact and not folding your arms while listening. Asking clarifying questions can also help avoid misunderstandings.
She suggests introducing ideas in a non-imposing way, using phrases like “I’m wondering if…” or “I’m thinking that…” instead of “You must…” or “I have to have…”
Lastly, she highlighted that sometimes, people just need to vent. In such cases, it’s helpful to ask if they want feedback or if they’re just trying to express their feelings. This approach, she said, brings clarity and avoids making assumptions.
